Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
