There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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