he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
