you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
