I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
