I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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