I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
