i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
