just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
