I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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