i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
