A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
