I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
