Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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