I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
