Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
