I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
