Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
