Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
