How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
