my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
