Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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