I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
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It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
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Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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