it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and i looked up. we had an audience...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
