proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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