Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
