Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
