You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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