I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
