im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
