You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
