Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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