Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
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Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
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Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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