Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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