I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
