I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
