i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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