I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
