And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
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