Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
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You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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