hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
