he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
God, I missed his penis.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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