It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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