I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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