I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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