just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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