I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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