Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
