Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
