ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so let's talk penis.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
