I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
