it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
