what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
