I accidentally had phone sex last night
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
