If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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