tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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