I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
