i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
