My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
