seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
