Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
