Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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