I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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