Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
