you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
