Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
