I think my fart just growled at me.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
