4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
