i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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