Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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