Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
