Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
